Sarcastic Movie Review: Black Widow

Perhaps the most interesting thing about superheroes is the variety of powers in display, so it baffles me that they keep doing the ‘villain has the same set of skills as you’ gambit. (See also Black Panther, the first iron man)

In this case Taskmaster is supposed to have the ability to copy the skills of any fighter they’ve seen, which was initially done sort of cleverly with her using a shield and a bow to mimic certain avengers, but by the end they seem to have forgotten all about this master mimic, and honestly she doesn’t do much.

Bows and Arrows are not any dumber when it’s not hawk-eye either

Also I know taskmaster is a guy in the comics, and they gender bend her for the movie, and I honestly don’t care. I am however annoyed at how they just turned her into a silent mannequin who’s job could have been done by a robot.

But I guess you could say that’s on purpose, because taskmaster is not the real villain of the movie. The real villain is the leader of the red room who Natasha thought she had killed: Dreykov.

Sleazebag of the year

If I were to describe Dreykov in one word it would be this: Sleazebag. 

And boy was this guy easy to hate: he’s a sleazebag, he’s creepy, he’s the drunk sexist uncle your parents warned you to stay away from in a better suit. But rather than all this being some sort of “Men are Evil” narrative, what he felt the most like is a Pimp.

The whole Harvey Weinstein angle didn’t escape me either

The Real Story?

So here’s my hot take: The whole ‘Red Room’ concept is an allegory for prostitution. 

And it fits really well:

• All the black widows are exclusively women
• They have they’re uterus removed for some bullshit reason in the movies, but it makes sense from the prostitution angle, cause pimps don’t want their girls getting pregnant.
• Speaking of Pimps, Dreykov is honestly just a pimp with his expensive cheap-looking suits and women are resources line.
• Also that visceral scene in which he beats Natasha, is well how pimps discipline prostitutes
• And the conditioning of women from a young age and this being the only life they know so they don’t know how to escape it.

Even other points like the red guardian being the “Muscle” and Milena being a “Madam” that helps control the girls all fit really well with this allegory if you think about it.

Now I don’t know if this was obvious to everyone or if my take is real, because at the time of writing I haven’t talked about the movie or heard any other reviews on it, but I think this really fit.

Wow marvel I wasn’t expecting to be thinking so much about the sex-trade industry when I decided to watch a superhero movie about a hero named after a spider. should have stuck with Spiderman 

Also, Black widow would have been a great name for this suit

Conclusion

All things considered Black widow is an above average movie with some amazing action set pieces and a decent enough storyline that deals with concepts of family and choices. I’d say it’s main failings are with the villains, but it does a decent enough job of acting as a good send off for the ‘Natasha’ version of the black widow and replacing her in the MCU with ‘Yelena’ (I really liked her!)

While not very MCU heavy and feels like a movie that should have come out years ago it still holds enough of that Marvel charm for it to be enjoyed by fans and casual movie watchers alike.

For another action filled adventure check out the New World Odyssey series.