Sarcastic Movie Review: Black Widow

Black widow must have been the MCU movie I have been least hyped for in a while, but right off the gate I can say that it was pleasantly surprising. It was bittersweet and in some ways felt like the actual end of the initial MCU, as the last of the originals gets her movie making way for the newer faces that will be replacing them.

But it is also a movie that felt very out of place, and I can’t help but feel like it would have been a lot more of an impactful movie if this had come out, let’s say instead of Captain Marvel before Avengers Endgame and properly tied a neat bow to the first 3 phases of the MCU.

But I guess corporate did what corporate does and gave the coveted slot between the 2 avenger films to captain Marvel, as she was supposed to be the new face of Marvel after endgame. But what all that resulted in was Black widow’s story seeming even more misplaced from the MCU than any other movie.

All I am saying is the release timing of this movie felt very late and unfair to the black widow character, who I think deserved better.

Now the movie itself is definitely more on the fighty side of the MCU more than the flashy one, that is to say it’s more grounded than let’s say the more cosmic or magical sides of the MCU. The movie it reminded me of the most was captain America: winter soldier and it might resemble that movie to a fault even.

The Plot

So our story begins with a typical American family of a dad a mom and 2 young girls being so American that it surprised no one when they turned out to be Russian spies. The family of 4 turns out to be a covert Russian spy operation send to steal those juicy American secrets during the cold war era, and the oldest of the sisters grow up to be Natasha a.k.a. the black widow.

This movie has taken a page out the fast and the furious franchise and decided to give a lot of emphasis on ‘Family’ but in a good way. And as we time jump to the present, by that I mean after Captain America: civil war (another good movie after which this movie could have been released) we find Natasha on the run from shield and lying low, only to receive a strange package of chemicals from her ‘Sister’ and she’s attacked by a masked villain who is hunting for it, and it’s near impossible to talk about this without spoilers so…

Calling it now, this guy is just the winter soldier in a cooler mask

Spoilers Ahead

Natasha escapes with the chemicals and heads out to find the person who send it to her, her fake sister Yelena (she’s also a black widow).

Her sister gives her a exposition dump, and explains that the ‘Red room’ the organization that creates black widows is still active. Which Natasha believed she had ended because she thought she had killed its leader.

Then it’s a ‘getting the band back together’ montage, but instead of let’s say going and getting Captain America or even Hawk-eye, they get their fake family back together, including their mom: Milena (a third black widow) and the best part about this movie the Red Guardian a.k.a. the knock-off Russian ‘Captain America’

You know what I liked about the red guardian, he has flaws. He’s arrogant, a drunk, quiet insensitive and blows his own trumpet way too much but is ultimately a good person who cares about his faux-family on the inside and that’s refreshing. The MCU has a bad habit of turning all its heroes into really good-looking and likable quip machines, so it was nice to see an insufferable and unlikable has-been doing heroic stuff instead.

He looked like a dad in his late 50’s cosplaying as one of’ em superheroes to try and connect with his daughter who mention she killed Chris Evans one time.

Also it helped that every other character in the movie looks like supermodels in leather cat suits which makes the red guardian stick out like a sour thumb. And as much as I like supermodels you can have too much of a good thing.

Too Many Spiders

So this movie has too many black widows. While Natasha being the spy and espionage character in the Avengers is fine because she’s surrounded by other heroes and villains  with very different powersets. But when every character in the movie has that same skill set, including 2 of her supports and most of her enemies it gets a bit bland.

In communist Russia ‘we’ are black widow

The one who attacked Natasha earlier turns out to be Taskmaster. But even the dreaded taskmaster is effectively just a black widow with a fancier mask.