Sarcastic Movie Review: Godzilla VS Kong

I just realized something, the Warner brothers Monster- verse is the second best shared cinematic universe after the MCU. And I did not see that coming.

The latest and easily the best movie in the Monster-verse Godzilla vs  King Kong is an indebt analysis on  humanity, globalization, environmental degradation and…hahaha no it’s not, it’s just as giant monster punchaton!

And I loved every second of it!

Civilization is finally getting back on track after the dreaded Corona, and with it Cinemas are finally reopening as well, and if you were waiting for a movie that is perfect to be enjoyed at the theaters and make you fall in love with the cinema experience all over again, I’d say atomic gecko Vs Big monkey is it.

Now the first question one would ask before seeing scaly boi vs banana lover is should you watch the previous 3 movies in the Monster-verse to know what’s going on?

And the answer is Nah, I mean characters do appear from the older movies and stuff  but as long as you know who the giant lizard and monkey are you’re good to go.

Because you’re not here for the story or the human characters, you’re here to see two giant kaijus bash each other’s skulls in and reap untold collateral damage in the process.

Seriously try to catch it in the theaters if you can, it’s worth it solely for the monster fights. (not at the risk of the dreaded ‘rona though). And for here on out there be spoilers.

The Plot

For completions sake let’s discus the plot and the human story line for a moment. There are two very separate human stories in the movie, the first of which follows a conspiracy theory podcaster and that girl from stranger things as they uncover the secrets of an eeevil mega corporation and why Godzilla attacked one of their facilities out of the blue.

This storyline is easily the most boring parts of the movie and are only there to set up the final villain of the movie, because it’s an unbreakable rule in Hollywood scriptwriting that if the movie has a vs in the title, the two titular characters have to team up and fight an even bigger villain in the third act (see also batman v superman)

The other story is more integral to our 50 foot friends and follows a group of scientists trying to get to the hollow earth, a whole ecosystem under the earth’s crust, that is the hometown of most Kaiju’s including King Kong. The scientists funded by the evil mega corp wants to go there to find a power source strong enough to sustain a mysterious mechanical something, that couldn’t possibly be the final boss of this movie (eye rolls).

Look all the humans are there as a loose thread to tie together the monster brawls. There is an adorable little deaf girl, who has a special bond with Kong and is the most interesting part of the human aspects of the story. There is a scene where it is revealed that the deaf girl has been secretly teaching King Kong sign language which was a real WOW! Moment.

Unless you stop to think about it. How exactly did this 10 year old girl ‘secretly’ teach anything to a 50 foot tall ape under constant surveillance without any of the adults noticing? Is she a ninja of some sort ?

But that’s the point! You’re not here to think about it. you’re here to watch a giant ape sock it to a skyscraper sized crocodile! And that is where the movie shines.

Hell Yeah!

Okay first thing I respect the movie for is that it has a definitive victor among the ultra-gecko vs monkey-man fights: And it’s Godzilla, as it should be.

Yes, Kong is more intelligent and agile. Yes, Kong does get an axe-ex-machina at one point to give him a fighting chance. And yes, Kong’s face is lot more expressive and easier to empathize with than Godzilla’s stone carved ugly mug.